Periwinkle

No longer a dog

I’m beginning to think in color again

Tell me

What’s your favorite

I’ll make it into a film to put over my eyeglasses

Even if it’s black

 

Sometimes the blind can see more than others

And I must be

Because when I look at you I see all the beautiful things most people forget about

The green of strawberry seeds

Butterfly wing oranges

 

The blue I imagine fairies wear

And some strange unnameable iridescence.

 

You’ve inspired me to create again

To write words only I will understand

To dance alone around my room to

A playlist I’ve been working on for you

 

That I’ll never have the courage to send sober;

 

I’m trying to stay sober

To remember the way your teeth look from where I’m standing

Or laying down

looking at your skin and hair and the different parts of you

Wondering what it would be like to be a part of you.

 

I’ll sit at your feet beneath the dinner table

Not begging for food

 

Only eating what you do not

 

I’ve found that just being near you

 

Makes me feel

Full.

 

Perhaps not a dog today

 

But a plant

A pretty succulent you can put on your sill and forget about

Your light constantly feeding me;

what a lovely decoration I make.

 

I learned about photosynthesis in elementary school

Which was the last time I felt this way

The last time the thought of someone made me think in color

Only now I’m old enough to say things like

 

He makes me feel high when I’m sober and sobers me when I’m in a daze outside of his

Except this time

he is you.

 

I’ll sit next to you at lunch every day

 

Ask to borrow your crayons

 

(I melted mine down the other day)

And draw your portrait while you’re not looking

 

 

The skin will be periwinkle

 

And when I cry over the picture

The tears will run off your wax flesh

 

It seems as though nothing can get through you

And maybe that’s for the best

 

Sometimes the blind can see more than others

And maybe that’s why you hardly look at me

 

Or maybe

I just couldn’t find the right color to draw your eyes.

 

So,

if the next time I see you,

 

you notice the turning of a kaleidoscope somewhere in the creases of my eyes,

Just know that all the colors I see

Are colors named after you.

-P.J.